Emily's Random Talk Show!
by Carveus666
Summary: It's humor. Or at least it's supposed to be...


**_Emily's Random Talk Show!!!!_**

Yes people!  It is yet another totally pointless talk show where I get various Star Wars characters, and possibly some school friends, and subject them to intense mental trauma!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But now for something completely different.

****

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own Star Wars, Monty Python (From whom I will take several gimmicks from), Austin Powers, or anything else I steal stuff from.  I do own me, any characters I make up, and any school friends will of given permission to be here.

**__**

**_ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!!_**

Emily appears with a puff of smoke in the middle of a completely white room.  As usual, she is dressed totally in black, with a rather lovely ankle length black leather jacket.  She looks round and clicks her fingers.  A huge set appears with a purple background with black borders, a red floor, and several squishy black crushed velvet armchairs.  She dust of her hands and sits on one of the chairs, legs crossed and fingers steepled.

Emily: Welcome to my underground lair… *puts pinky to mouth, then returns to previous position* This is my random talk show where Star Wars characters will be mentally tortured for my own sick and twisted amusement!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Coughs*

On today's show I will have *pulls out black envelope and begins to gesticulate wildly* (A/N I like black if you had not noticed) Luke Skywalker as of the end of RotJ!  Princess Leia as of the end of RotJ!  Han Solo as of the end of RotJ!  Darth Vader as of the begging of RotJ!  Senator Padmé Amidala as of the end of AotC!  Qui-Gon Jinn as of halfway through TPM!  The Three Obi-Wan Kenobi's!  Last but not least Chewbacca as of the end of RotJ!

She clicks fingers and the a fore mentioned characters appear in the chairs with a lot of smoke.  The characters cough and look around, puzzled.

Emily:  Hi!  Welcome to my talk show.  You will now be subject to my every whim.  *Waves at Luke* Hi Lukie dearest.

Luke:  *looks around uncertainly* Hi…

Darth Vader: *Jumps up and runs to Padmé* PADMÉ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Padmé:  Do I know you?

Emily: Sorry Darthy dearest, she is from Episode II.  She has no idea who Darth Vader is.

Everyone's favourite Dark Lord runs off stage sobbing.

Luke:  DAD!  *Gets up to go after him*

Emily:  *Grabs Luke's wrist* He'll be back…  So how are you all today?  *Grins evilly at 

Luke* Answer in order of relative distance to my chair.  Lukie dearest, you go first because you're the closest one to me.  *Strokes his hand Mr. Bigglesworth styli*

Luke:  My day had been going well, until I came here and now you won't let go of my wrist!  *He tries to pull away*

Emily:  Now none of that.  *Lets go of his wrist.*  Now sit down like a good boy.

Lukie dearest does just that.  It's Leia's turn now, but she's to busy making out with Han.

Emily:  AH!  SMOCHIES!  *Hides* I guess we'll be getting back to them later.  As Darthy dearest is having an emotional trauma, it's Padmé's turn.

Padmé:  *looks up from doing her nails* Huh?  Oh, it's been great, Ani just took me shopping.  He can use that Jedi Mind Trick thing to get some really great deals.

Emily:  *Begins to write in notepad.*  Use… Jedi…  Mind…  Trick…  For…  Discounts…  Ace biscuits.  Master Jedi?  How 'bout you?

Qui-Gon:  Excellent!  We finally exterminated the entire Gungan race.

Fireworks go off, confetti falls fall from the ceiling, and everyone begins to part-ey.

Emily:  Finally, the day of deliverance has come!  Big hugs for Qui-Gon!  Now, Obi-Wan.  'S.  How are you all?  Oh, and while I remember, Episode I Obi.  Can I have your autograph?  It's for my mother.  And people think I'm obsessed…!  *Rolls eyes*

Obi-Wan1:  Sure.  Anything for my fans.  *Emily's mum comes on and begins to scream wildly.  She suddenly disappears in a puff of smoke thanks to Emily* Nearly anything for my fans…  And my day's going great, 'cos all the Gungans are dead!

The part-ey starts again.  Then it stops.

Obi-Wan2:  Anakin took Padmé shopping!  What about me?  I have needs!

Emily:  We know that.  If you want, I'll take you shopping Obi.  I need a new wardrobe, this one isn't black enough…  However, back to the matter at hand.  How are you?  In addition, can you believe that a question this simple has caused so much bickering?

Obi-Wan2:  Today is like any other.  My Padawan ignores me, I tripped over Master Yoda on the way to breakfast, and I have been forced to do yet another pointless chat show.  Although going shopping will be fun…  In addition, I think the author has no idea what she is writing, and is trying to get a few cheap laughs by burbling.

Emily:  *Glowers* Yes, well now it's Ben's turn!  Ben, how is your day?

Ben's Spirit: Great!  My former apprentice has just killed me!  It's my best day ever!  Except from when all the Gungans died…

The part-ey starts up again.  And then it finishes.

Emily:  Chewie!  How are you?

Chewie:  *makes a Chewie noise*

Emily:  Good for you!  Does anyone here know what he said?

They all shrug.

Emily:  Thought not…  And that's it for my very first episode in which I caused a Dark Lord to burst into tears, totally killed any chance of a me/Luke get together, Han and Leia are still liplocked, learnt an interesting new way to use a Jedi Mind Trick, arranged to go shopping with a Jedi Knight, and we used all the ticker tape in the world!  Not bad…

And now one of my many alter egos (30 at present count) will do the boring bit.

There is a drum roll and a girl who looks just like Emily apart from a nasty scar running down her right cheek and is clad in warrior garb (she has a BIG sword) walks in.  Her name is Cotumai.

Cotumai:  Emily or any of her alter egos not own Star Wars, Austin Powers, Monty Python, or anything else she rips off.  She does own herself and any of her alter egos…  You own Me?

Emily:  I crated you!  You're only here because I had nothing better to do when I was eight.

Cotumai:  For all you know, I could of created you.

Emily:  *Hellfire erupts around her*  JUST GET ON WITH IT!

Cotumai:  Okay, okay!  Where were we?  Oh, yes.  She is not doing this for the money.  She is doing it to stop going insane - er.  She will cry if you do not review.  She also asks that if you have any questions to submit, or thoughts on any characters to add, or any plot, *looks at Emily* this has a plot?  *Shakes head* any plot twists to please submit them via E-mail.  Her address is _emicr_fulon@yahoo.co.uk_ We hope you enjoy it as much as we did.  Ciao!

She walks off, but not before having a quick chat with Luke.  Emily gets annoyed and kicks her in the shins.  Cotumai walks off.

Emily:  Some theme music and lyrics would also be appreciated.

It's now almost time to go, but I'm going to say my Final Thought.  Springer eat your heart out!

Most people out there will regard this fic as tasteless rubbish, but for those select few who enjoyed it, you won't get any more unless you review.  *Looks round* That's a thought.  *Crosses arms over her chest and sticks her tongue out.*

The credits begin to roll all saying Emily Crow, apart from the guests.  In the background, we can hear Luke saying "Can I leave now?" and in reply, we hear a very pointed "No."

Fade.  Blackout.

*****

I hope you enjoyed it!  Now *waves hand* You Will Review.  You Will Review.

Press me.


End file.
